My mother was home one night between then and now, and I saw her a couple times but mostly she wasn’t here and didn’t call. She also didn’t phone on the 24th but finally did on the 25th. On the day that she was home I finished the first season of The Tudors, and watched Transformers, and she was here I got to send the Netflix back sooner so my next ones will be here on Monday. Whenever I feel like I’ll do a review of both. Yesterday was my birthday. I’m 19 now. She waited until 11:07 to call me since that’s when I was born, and said she was just getting ready to get my cake and would be home at around 12. She actually did show up when she said she would, a few minutes after I’d gotten of the phone with Cynthia. I still didn’t get the cake I wanted. I was there when my mom phoned in the order for the cake so I know she said white and pink, but instead of white it’s a sort of ivory color. My mom thought it looked nice, but it’s not her cake. After she got home my mom called Cynthia to ask if she wanted to come out to eat with us, even though I told her Cynthia had said she wasn’t feeling well. Cynthia told her about Amberly’s (Amberlee?) birthday party which they were having on the 25th since her birthday was on Sunday. My mom thought it would be a good idea so she wouldn’t have to pay to take me out. That made me furious. Like I told her I’m not going to someone else’s birthday party on my birthday. And then she said that they’d be paying attention to me since it was my birthday as well and they hadn’t seen me in a while, which is bull. They’re only extended family, cousins and stuff, and I barely know any of them. Some I’ve only seen a few times before. I refused to go, so she took me to Eat ‘n Park. Despite that crap before hand, we did have a good time out. After she took me to a store on the corner called Moonstones. It’s a Wiccan/New Age sort of store, and I’ve seen it for years but never had a chance to go in since I was always with my great aunt and she’s very Christian. A few months ago they moved to a bigger location, so there two rooms and an upstairs full of cool stuff. I saw a lot of things I liked and my mom bought me this round box with a witchy cat on the top, and a beautiful picture frame with a dragonfly at the top and fake jewels all around the edges. I don’t have a camera (I did have a rinky dink digital one but had to throw it away because the batteries were dissolving inside it) so I can’t take any pictures, but if I ever get one I will because I love them. They’re the best gifts I’ve gotten from her in years. I’m going back there to get another Chinese looking box, maybe a dragon box, maybe a pretty green Indian looking scarf (it sort of looked like the colorful things they put over their heads), and maybe a shirt and skirt, depending on how much all of it would cost, and if I could even fit into the last two. After Moonstones we stopped at the used bookstore. She wanted to get Angels and Demons since she just finished the first book, and she got me Rosemary’s Baby and Queen of the Damned. I saw the Rosemary’s Baby movie and didn’t like it too much, but maybe the book was better. Queen of the Damned was a bad movie, and I hate Anne Rice, but I liked one of the characters so I’ve been thinking about reading it. They still didn’t have Stephen King’s Rose Red though, I really want to read that book.

My mom took off tomorrow so we can go see the Harry Potter movie and go out to eat at The Cheesecake Factory. I’m hoping we can stop at Moonstones again after that. Cheesecake Factory is the only restaurant we have left. We can’t go to the Huddle anymore because the past few times we went they kept screwing up our orders so I’m not going to put up with it anymore. We can’t go to Jamie’s anymore either, which pisses me off so much. Jamie doesn’t even own it anymore, Phil does. Phil is our stupid old landlord. We lost our house to him and now we’ve lost our restaurant. Phil bought into Jamie’s and as soon as he started the place started going downhill. He hired new staff (very rude and arrogant), changed the recipes (ruining my spots), and he even changed the name from Jamie’s to “Cafe J,” so pretentious. Jamie owed him money so Phil took it over. I think the reason Jamie owed him money was because Phil kept making all these changes on his own, and expected Jamie to pay for it as well. When Jamie couldn’t he just took the place over. That’s my theory anyway. We hate Phil, and we hate what he’s doing to the place, so we can’t go there anymore.

Great. My index finger, the one that was originally bothering me, and some more on that hand are feeling a little tingly. I’m never going to get to a doctor. Now my mom is talking about switching doctors, and by the time she does it, and they update my card it’ll be months from now. And I don’t want a new doctor, I want the one I’ve been going to. This is serious but my mom still won’t take it that way. And right now she’s more worried about herself, because her arm is swelling again from the bug bites she’s gotten recently. She’s worried she’ll lose her arm if it gets any worse. Huh, I’m worried about losing limbs, or getting blood clots, or being paralyzed, but it’s nothing, I’m being a hypochondriac. But when it’s her it’s serious.

Yesterday I told her how my only hope for getting a computer is Cyndy, and she agreed, and that she was going to ask her for help. She said again how Cyndy used to have a college fund for me, which I remember Cyndy telling me when I was little. But I don’t know how much is in there, or if it even still exists. She said if Cyndy did still have it I could take a class that I wanted to, like Japanese, or take off for a while. Even she doesn’t know what I should do. We’ll see if she changes her tune. I need to get medical help first, because I already know there are things I am not physically and mentally capable of doing, but there might be more things and I need actual proof.

Yesterday my depression alleviated itself for a while, but now it’s back again in full swing. At least I have something to look forward to.

Edit: Something to look forward to? HA! My mom just called from the hospital because her bug bite got worse, and they’re putting her on an IV, giving her antibiotics, and keeping her overnight. So nothing tomorrow, which means who knows when I’ll get to go out. She told me not to be worried, but why would I? If she was going to die from a bug bite she would be dead by now. She’s probably fine but made things worse by not doing anything about it. This would never have happened if she’d seen a doctor after it happened. No, she waits until she has to go to the hospital, a place where she’d never take me by the way. And yes, I’m thinking about myself. I tried to call Cynthia to complain to her but she didn’t answer so she must be asleep.