Let’s Get This Over With

Obviously I haven’t felt like posting lately. I still don’t, but I’m forcing myself to. Today I finally went to the eye doctor. Ever since last year I’ve been pushing to see the eye doctor at Sears because I remembered that he was nice. I just didn’t remember how nice. The eye doctor there is such a nice guy, and seems like a very good doctor. So if anyone in the Pittsburgh area is looking for an eye doctor, go see the guy at Sears in South Hills Village. It’s tough getting out there now, for those who don’t have a car, Port Authority cut (and continues to cut) many of the bus and street car services. We had to take a bus downtown, then catch a street car because there aren’t any street cars that go all the way to South Hills Village for our area. You either have to go downtown and take the street car, or take the street car here, get off, then take another street car the rest of the way. I didn’t wait very long to see the doctor. My appointment was for 1 PM, but he saw me before then (he didn’t realize that until I got in – I was just there so he saw me). After checking my eyes he said the one of them, I think it was the left, had developed a mild (he said something about 2, level, minus, step?) astigmatism. He also said that my current prescription is too strong, and that this one should be much better, possibly even at little better than 20/20 (I didn’t know there was anything better). Since I had checked the headaches box, he asked about it, and I told him I was supposed to have an MRI done, because I’d been getting headaches for years, but that last year they got a lot worse, sometimes so bad that I couldn’t even stand. He asked why my PCP wasn’t sending me to a neurologist, since that would be better. I remembered that when I first went to him he talked about having me see a neurologist, but last time it was tough even getting the MRI from him. I think I know why, more on that later. Either way, he said, it was good that I was getting the MRI because any time there’s a big change in symptoms like that (like suddenly getting the worst headache you’ve ever experienced) you should get tests done. I also mentioned to the eye doctor that one of the reasons I was having the MRI done was because of the bad (in my opinion) head injury I’d had when I was younger, that left me temporarily blind. Since I got hit in the back of the head the eye doctor said it was a very good chance that it caused trouble, and thank goodness I got my vision back. After that we went to the Eat n Park out there, and managed to get a street car going all the way back here.

We also briefly discussed mommy dearest. I haven’t spoken to her in a while, and she hasn’t called in about a week. Last time she called Cynthia talked to her. The first time she was going to the store and wanted to know if I wanted anything. Cynthia told her milk and potato buds. We didn’t hear from her again until a couple days later when she called to ask when I was coming to get the stuff. Since she had gotten a ride to the store Cynthia asked why she didn’t drop the things off here, and that if it stays down there too long it’ll expire. My mom said that she couldn’t have people drive her all over town. Now, maybe that excuse would work if Cynthia lived across town, but we are literally right up the street, on the same street. A couple days later my mom called from the doctors to say that the nurse took her blood pressure, and that the new blood pressure medication she was taken made her blood pressure too low and that she was so dizzy. She also said that poor white trash bastard has a lump on his back, and that one of his arms gets numb (oh, how horrible). So she called for a Pam pity party. I don’t know what made her think she would get any sympathy from Cynthia, for either of them. Cynthia said he blood pressure sounded great, and that she would be happy to have bp as low as that. And as for the white trash bastard, both my hands were number for over a month, and she didn’t give a shit, but he gets some numbness? The poor, poor man. Then Cynthia started asking her about him again and suddenly my mom had to get off the phone because the doctor would be coming. She called again later, and when Cynthia asked what the doctor said about the blood pressure she didn’t say anything, probably because there was nothing wrong. Cynthia asked her again about the white trash bastard, and they got into a big argument. My mom started talking trash about me. I don’t know everything she said, but some of the things she said was that I never do anything but lay around, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that I should get over it (the things she did to me). Cynthia mentioned that the my doctor said he wouldn’t sign any more disability papers until I had seen a psychologist, and my mom suddenly became very interested in taking me to get “help”, because she wants the money. After they were done Cynthia was swearing about her, and she rarely ever swears. At the most she occasionally says shit, usually just sugar, but this time she actually called her an asshole twice. Mommy dearest has a habit of projecting. Whatever she sees in herself she decides is other peoples problems. Everyone else does nothing, everyone else is a liar, everyone else is a hypochondriac. Meanwhile, all she has ever done when she had off was lay on the couch watching TV, literally not moving, she lies about every single thing, and is always saying something or other is wrong with her. This summer it was cancer. Even though she hadn’t seen a doctor she decided she had cancer, or “something just as bad” (in her words). It’s November now, and it seems she’s given up on trying to get attention that way. She’s been to the doctor quite a lot lately. A couple months ago her work made her go get x-rays because she was having back pain, and I know she’s been to the PCP at least twice in the last month, because she got new blood pressure medication from him, then went again to complain about dizziness. This is the reason I think the doctor has changed his tune in regards to me, my mother has gotten to him, and he won’t listen to me now. I had to prod him for the MRI paper that he had originally given me freely because of the problems I’d been having. But then my mom took the papers for my MRI, CT Scan, and blood test, lost them, and refused to get more. Then when I finally got there again (she took me so she could get him to sign the disability papers so she could get the money for it) she followed him in when he came to see me, and when I tried to take the papers talked down to me. So I know she’s been saying crap about me to him. All he and that nurse (who seems like a real bitch to begin with) care about now is trying to get me to a psychiatrist, and won’t listen to me. Today I wondered to Cynthia if I should take medication. But a) I don’t think it would do any good, and b) why should I have to pay the price for this? My mother is the one who caused this, it’s my mother who is insane. I can’t stand this mindset of “you are depressed. this is not okay. you must be happy. we will make you be happy.” Oh, and mommy dearest has bronchitis again. But she didn’t get it because she smoking. Because she’s not. Even though she was seen smoking. More than once. Everyone else is just mistaken. You know they’re just delusional, and you can’t trust what they see. She’s not a liar or anything…