Welcome
Welcome to Lisabee.org, the personal site and blog of a 21 year-old anime and manga fan. Chronicled here are my daily life and thoughts, as well as my obsessions, like Code Geass and BL. In addition to my blog there are numerous pages in the visitor section for you to peruse, including a large anime and manga icon archive. Anime, yaoi, and Code Geass haters and other negativity are not welcome in this space. Trolls will be shown the virtual door. This site displays best in Firefox and Chrome and a resolution over 1024x768. <3

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God Help Me
Posted by Megan on July 14th, 2011
Filed under: General

I’m typing this up offline as there is only a small window of opportunity to use the internet, before Comcast knows I’m online and starts forwarding to their activation page. I was already in a horrible mood. When I lost the internet again yesterday I had a mini-breakdown as things began to pile up on me. Today it was a like bomb. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. As soon as Cynthia woke me up today and told me there was a message on the machine that she thought was from my mom, but it wasn’t from our phone numbers, I knew it was bad. To spare anyone who reads this I’ll put the facts in convenient bullet point form…

  • My mom’s psycho bf “WDisney” was sent to jail for threatening to kill my mom
  • He’s getting out soon
  • My mom is staying at a friends house
  • My mom is being evicted
  • She’s talking about moving to Texas

    Cynthia doesn’t seem to care about all this, she just says she knew it was going to happen. I thought it might happen too, but I had hoped it would end before it would go that far. I’m thinking about bringing the bowling pin (yes I have a bowling pin) up from the basement. It’s a good thing I’m staying up at night right now, because I’m going to have to be on the lookout for him. Unfortunately, he knows who my aunt is and where she lives. We hadn’t wanted him to, but thanks to my “you can trust WDisney” mom, she let him know. My mom said I could go get anything I wanted from the apartment in case he trashed it, but not only do we not know when he’s getting out, I don’t have a key anymore. She took mine and gave it to him. There’s a chance I might lose all my stuff, and my grandmother’s things, the only things I have left of her besides one picture, since her house burned down a few years after she died. And while I didn’t like it, and haven’t lived there in a while, I’m losing my home too. I’m never going to live there again. I may never see my mom again either, because there is no way I’m moving to Texas. Assuming he doesn’t trash anything, I’ll have to move a few of my most important things up here, and the rest will go wherever my mom goes. I’m also going to have to get my birth certificate and other stuff off her, since she’ll no longer be in charge of that. I have been staying here with my great aunt, but I don’t know how much longer that can last, and I have no where else to go. Obviously, this has shaken my already fragile state. Sometimes I curse my sanity, it would be easier to just break and go completely insane. I’m having so much taken away from me again, there’s a threat to both my things and my family, and I can’t even get on the internet to vent and waste time. I guess I’ll be reading the manga, since I won’t be able to listen to music or watch anime (which I’m running out of). And the same the next night and the next night. For who knows how long. I should stop here or I’ll ramble endlessly. I have to go get some more cleenex and something to chew on, I really need to stop biting the inside of my mouth.

    Edit: And if you didn’t see my Twitter in the sidebar, I do not have internet now. Hopefully it’ll come back in a couple weeks.

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    • Let’s Get This Over With
    Posted by Megan on November 4th, 2010
    Filed under: Health

    Obviously I haven’t felt like posting lately. I still don’t, but I’m forcing myself to. Today I finally went to the eye doctor. Ever since last year I’ve been pushing to see the eye doctor at Sears because I remembered that he was nice. I just didn’t remember how nice. The eye doctor there is such a nice guy, and seems like a very good doctor. So if anyone in the Pittsburgh area is looking for an eye doctor, go see the guy at Sears in South Hills Village. It’s tough getting out there now, for those who don’t have a car, Port Authority cut (and continues to cut) many of the bus and street car services. We had to take a bus downtown, then catch a street car because there aren’t any street cars that go all the way to South Hills Village for our area. You either have to go downtown and take the street car, or take the street car here, get off, then take another street car the rest of the way. I didn’t wait very long to see the doctor. My appointment was for 1 PM, but he saw me before then (he didn’t realize that until I got in – I was just there so he saw me). After checking my eyes he said the one of them, I think it was the left, had developed a mild (he said something about 2, level, minus, step?) astigmatism. He also said that my current prescription is too strong, and that this one should be much better, possibly even at little better than 20/20 (I didn’t know there was anything better). Since I had checked the headaches box, he asked about it, and I told him I was supposed to have an MRI done, because I’d been getting headaches for years, but that last year they got a lot worse, sometimes so bad that I couldn’t even stand. He asked why my PCP wasn’t sending me to a neurologist, since that would be better. I remembered that when I first went to him he talked about having me see a neurologist, but last time it was tough even getting the MRI from him. I think I know why, more on that later. Either way, he said, it was good that I was getting the MRI because any time there’s a big change in symptoms like that (like suddenly getting the worst headache you’ve ever experienced) you should get tests done. I also mentioned to the eye doctor that one of the reasons I was having the MRI done was because of the bad (in my opinion) head injury I’d had when I was younger, that left me temporarily blind. Since I got hit in the back of the head the eye doctor said it was a very good chance that it caused trouble, and thank goodness I got my vision back. After that we went to the Eat n Park out there, and managed to get a street car going all the way back here. (more…)

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    Every Year Worse Than Before
    Posted by Megan on July 9th, 2010
    Filed under: General

    I had to push myself to write this because I really don’t want to. Living it and thinking about it is enough, I don’t want to write about it as well. But I have to. All this began quite a few weeks ago. It was when we were out of food stamps and money, so I wasn’t eating. Then my mother got fired from her job. I’ve said before that she’s been having continuous constipation. My mom said that one day while at work at Rite Aid she was with a coworker and took out a sepository (not looking that spelling up) told the woman she was doing it, and left a note on the package for the manager saying she would pay for it on payday, and let the woman know what she was doing. After my mom was gone the woman (her name is Anna, I think, not sure of the spelling) called the companies 800 number and reported my mom for stealing. She was suspended for 3 days and then fired. My mom said her boss and other coworkers were very upset, because they all think Anna is a backstabbing bitch (which she is). My mom’s boss liked her too, but there was nothing he could do with the companies decision.

    My mom started looking for a couple new jobs, and still is, I don’t think she’s been trying very hard. This was a huge, horrible blow. Even at Rite Aid we were living paycheck to paycheck and never had any money. She’ll be taking a big pay cut when she finally does find work. But that’s not the half of it. Instead of seriously looking for a new job (which I don’t think she has) she came up with a new plan, get rid of me and get a roommate. (more…)

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    Insert Heavy Sigh Here
    Posted by Megan on July 10th, 2009
    Filed under: General

    Thought I’d put something up before I went to bed. It’s almost 7 AM, but I’ve cycled back into sleeping during the day again. It’s easier that way anyway. I’m not in a good mood. My depression has been in full swing for days. Usually it lets up for at least a few hours, but right now it’s been non-stop. I didn’t even get to go out at all this week. My mom said we’d go to Eat ‘n Park on Wednesday, then on Tuesday she said we’d go on Thursday, and of course we didn’t.

    Today is my aunt Cyndy’s 50th birthday, though she refuses to admit it and keeps saying she’s something like 47. We were supposed to go write 50 on her cars windshield with a glass marker. It was my idea, and we’ve been talking about it for months. In late June my mom found out she’d have to work this day, but still said we’d find a way around it, by going there late on the day before, or the day of after she got off work. Now my plan is ruined, and I’ve been looking forward to it for so long. I never get to do anything fun like that, I’m at home everyday all the time.

    My moms also been asking me what I want to do for my birthday (and like we’d actually end up doing it anyway). I don’t care, I hate my birthday. I’m 18 and already falling apart, I don’t want to get any older.

    I’ve been thinking about starting a fansite again. I get the feeling from time to time, but it usually goes away. I used to love running fansites, it was my life and something I was actually good at. I’m not as good at blogging, or running a personal site. But other people, hackers, flamers, bitchy, I’d say practically evil competition ruined it for me. It made me miserable, and it was torture getting online everyday for something like that. It just wasn’t worth it. But still, I get the urge from time to time. It didn’t help that last night I decided to check out HPANA, which made me look to TLC, and eventually Mugglenet, and I saw on the latter an interview Natalia Tena did with the LA Times. That hurt. She’s the last one I ran a fansite for, the one that made me decide to give up fansites “forever.” Anything about Natalia Tena or Clemence Poesy still upsets me now. Not as much as it used to, but it still opens old wounds. That definitely didn’t help improve my mood any.

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