And it won’t. Ever. I’ve known that for a while. I ran out of hope a long time ago. My health, physical and mental, and my situation continued to go downhill barely without pausing and never improving. I’m not going to waste the energy to explain everything because there isn’t a point. I’ll just say that it started earlier this year when my mom met that jackass down at the bar, started going out drinking every night until early in the morning, and practically living with a guy she barely knew. About a week ago she either was fired from her job or quit. She’s going on 50 years old, but she’s as irresponsible as ever. Though nothing could top the most irresponsible, selfish thing she ever did, which was having me. My great aunt Cynthia said I could live with her, but that won’t work. I’ve lived and stayed with her several times before because of my irresponsible mother (like when she left me with her and moved across the country to live with her boyfriend, who she had split up with and moved back half a year before, that wasn’t the first or last time she did that). She doesn’t have cable, internet, or air conditioning, and while it may sound, I don’t know, superficial, I actually have very little. I don’t own a cell phone, ipod, or video games, I get new clothes and shoes once every couple of years. I already lost food, all I have is television and internet (and with it my manga and anime), without them I really have nothing left. Cynthia is also quite old, and while I don’t like to think about it, I don’t know how much time she has left. I would gladly take her place and all her ailments. There are other reasons as well. I did hope that I would die on my own. Now I see that’s not going to happen any time soon, and I don’t have the option to wait any longer. I’ve known for years that I would die young, but like I was wishing I’d die on my own, or at least end up where an opportunity (in the form of a tall building) would present itself. Jumping is my method of choice, it and gun are the best. They’re the quickest, least painful, and have the best success rate. Slitting and ingesting are the worst, and unfortunately the only options I have. I did start crying when my mom called to tell me she was finally going to destroy me completely, I did my best to hide it from her. I try to never cry in front of other people. It’s weak. If pandas had red around their eyes instead of black, that’s what I’d look like right now, so many veins burst. It’s not the dying part that I find sad, I accepted it a long time ago so the idea is calming. It’s the method. If there was a building around here I would have happily jumped off it years ago. I tried to think of some way I could jump, and came up with a couple ideas but I’m really not sure how high they are. I remember walking by one place and thinking “wow you could kill yourself if you jumped from here” but it has a tall fence around it, precisely for that reason (I think someone actually did jump from there). So not only would I have to walk there in the middle of the night, but either cut the fence, or climb the it and drop myself off from there. Not very practical or as nice as simply stretching your arms our like a bird and falling. I don’t have it in me to cut myself open. So the only choice left is to drink as much of the bottle of liquid prozac I have and hope for the best. It expired in April so it’s not as strong, and seizures are one of the side effects of overdosing, which is why I didn’t do it earlier. I should never have read the side effects. That’s why I’m so upset (that and I’m so furious at my mother). I could end up having a seizure, or just throwing the crap up, and my attempt is wasted. All I want to do is die, this should be easier. People die all the time. People who want to live too. I want to die but still continue on pathetically. I watched a documentary the other day called Boy Interrupted, about a bipolar teen who killed himself. I do watch them occasionally, docs on suicide, and since I’ve been my most death wishing ever recently I did. When he was little he said he wished he’d get cancer, which is something I think a lot. Lot’s of people who want to live get cancer, why don’t I get it instead of one of them? Spare someone who deserves to live and give it to someone who doesn’t. I would have gladly had pancreatic cancer in place of my precious grandmother. Those docs are always full of such annoying people. They all go “how could someone do something like this” and I’m thinking “I’m so jealous.” He’s lucky he’s dead, he got what he wanted. Be happy that his suffering is over. Everyone’s all about preventing suicide. People should mind their own business, even if they are related. As long as it doesn’t interfere with anyone else, a persons life is their own to do what they want with, and it’s completely within their rights to end it. Anyone who has I don’t pity. I congratulate and envy them. They escaped. Cynthia said she might take me out tomorrow, to CVS and to Eat n Park. If she does I’ll eat all my chicken and get dessert no matter how I feel. And I’ll get chocolate at CVS and eat it all too. I’ll finish catching up with my Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal, I’ll watch my beloved Code Geass and my darling Junjou Romantica. And try to just enjoy that. So I’ll drink my prozac when I’m completely exhausted so hopefully I’ll be able to fall asleep right after (I know it’s not like overdosing on sleeping pills) and I’ll hope for the best and a merciful ending, or at the very least an ending. If I’m not on by the end of July it means I’ve done it, if I come on before then (not counting the next few days) it means it either didn’t work, or I’m a pathetic coward and still looking for that tall building (why couldn’t we have lived in a big apartment building, then this would be so easy).
It’s been a bad June so far. Why am I not allowed to eat during summer? Last year I was barely eating because I was having trouble swallowing. I still have trouble but I’ve learned how to manage it since then. This year we have no money. My mom said on either May 31 or June 1 that we were out of food stamps, and we are completely, totally broke.* Food stamps don’t kick in to the 10th of the month, so I’d have to wait until then to, uh, eat. I haven’t been completely starving, a few days I was able to get up to my great aunt Cynthia’s and get something off her, but in general my meals have been very small. A roll with some lunchmeat on it here, half a can of tuna there. I lost 10 lbs between June 1 and June 6. I’m so hungry all the time, I wake up hungry, I go to sleep hungry, just hungry. My poor baby girls hungry too. She ran out of her treats, and because of my mom that’s all she eats. She has some regular hard food but she refuses to eat it. My mother and Cynthia keep saying that if she’s hungry she’ll eat, but I keep telling them they’re wrong. You can lead a cat to food but you can’t make them eat. Allie absolutely refuses to eat her hard food. Every time I get up she comes running and meowing, and I have to put her where the food is and point her towards it, but she just sits there or runs away. I’m worried about her. She’s skinny as it is, and cats can get sick from not eating enough. I can last a lot longer than she can. But there’s nothing I can do about it. My mom wanted to borrow money off my aunt Cyndy’s boss, but Cyndy wouldn’t let her. Apparently she doesn’t think that things like food, milk, toothpaste, and toilet paper are necessary things. I’m sure she’d feel differently if it was her.
Because of what’s going on I’ve completely given up for the moment on the Altador Cup. I don’t feel well, and I’m majorly depressed, so it’s really a low priority for me. I don’t have the energy or the motivation to do anything about it right now, or care. Same with anything else. I just don’t care. On top of everything the nail on my left pinky split across on the side a few days ago and I had to take it off. I should have left it on. Now the skin that was underneath it is exposed. It’s not a lot, it’s not halfway down or anything, but it’s still bothering me. I hope it grows in right. I have problems with my big toe because of a nail that didn’t come in right. I’m not getting any vitamins so it’s coming in very slowly. I haven’t seen any progress at all with it since it happened.
I don’t know what I’m going to eat today. I was going to go up to my aunt Cynthia’s, but last time I looked the landlord was doing something outside so I might not be able to. I’ll probably just drink the Pepsi she gave me yesterday. Two more days…
* Yes, I did say I have some money I wanted to get Code Geass doujinshi with, but it’s only available online, and can only be used certain places online.
And any people coming here from ANN I said I don’t support buying anime and manga in America. I fully support buying it directly from Japan. So STFU.
No icon of my own this time since I come bearing many gifts in the form of 100×100 anime (+ Amy Lee) avatars. They are Bleach (Byakuya, Ukitake, Neliel/Nel Tu, Yoruichi), Code Geass (Schneizel, Kanon, Cecile, Tianzi, Anya, Jeremiah, Lelouch, Kaguya, Darlton), Junjou Romantica (Usami Akihiko aka Usagi), 238 in total. More will be added soon including Bleach, Code Geass, Junjou, Okane ga Nai, Durarara, Kuroshitsuji, and other things on my anime list. Here is a preview, the rest are in the visitors section under Avatars/LJ Icons, in their respective categories and listed newest to oldest.
It’s the Altador Cup at Neopets right now. I’ve paticipated at least three times before, and this is my second year with Shenkuu. I think I was originally with Darigan, though it could have been Faerieland, when I joined and it started it was 04-06 so I don’t really remember. When I saw Shenkuu last year I knew it was the team for me. I love all things Shenkuu, it’s my favorite place (there needs to be more Neovia stuff too). I’m doing my best to seriously participate this time. If Shenkuu loses I don’t want it to be because of me. Other team supporters on The Daily Neopets have some pretty strict goals, but I’m trying to keep up with them. My goals are 5 for Slushie Slinger, 10 for Make Some Noise, and 600 for Shootout Showdown. I don’t have any for Yooyuball. I despise Yooyuball. In the past I’ve never been able to score any goals. Now I can usually get at least one and keep the ball away from the other team long enough to win. The most goals I ever got was 6, I don’t expect that to happen again. I’ve been pretty good with my goals, although it’s only my third day playing so it doesn’t mean anything. I did 670 the first day for SOSD and 923 the second. I’m now up to Level 4. I’ve never gotten past beginner before, so I’m really excited, though it’s going to be very difficult from here on out. I don’t think I’ll make it to All-Star (I personally don’t believe it’s humanly possible, so if you did it you’re probably a secret government experiment) but I’ll do my best and get as far as I can.
Dragon Cave released three new dragons. I never completed the last set, or the one before that and now I’ve got this to contend with. I’ve got two out of three from the latest group (missing Terrae), and 2 from the last one (missing Nebula), and only one legendary so no summoning for me. I did get a Cheese dragon though, I was surprised when I caught it.
I haven’t watched a lot of anime recently, new episodes at least. I rewatched both seasons of JunJou Romantica, and the Okane ga Nai OVAs again. Well, not all the Junjou Romantica ones, I hate Egoist and Terrorist so I skipped those. I’d forgotten how much I love the second season, it’s so romantic, and Usagi is so hot. Okane ga Nai was better than I remember it too. Fukuyama Jun’s voice can be a little annoying though during certain scenes. Speaking of OKG, DP Scanlations released volume 8 chapter, and it seems that this volume heavily features Kuba! I’ve always liked him, and apparently I’m not the only one since Kousaka Tohru makes a mention of all his supporters. The first volume of the Code Geass doujinshi Knights Anthology is supposed to be released in English in June and I’m really very tempted to get it. No, I definitely will, no matter how much I try to resist. I have a little bit of money left in my PayPal account that I’ve been saving for it. I own it in Japanese, but I’d still like to know what it says, even though it’s just short comics, and not very hard to follow. What I gathered from the pictures I liked. My favorite one has Lelouch going to the Black Knights headquarters to find he’s been replaced by another Zero, Schneizel in a Zero mask, and everyone likes him better. I’d really, really like the second volume, which features Schneizel and Lelouch, but that doesn’t come out for a good few months.
My mom is broke again. We were broke, then briefly had some money and I got to eat two cheeseburgers and McDonalds, and now I’m back on TV dinners for the next two weeks. This is very sad for me. Food is the only thing I usually have to look forward to in my day, so it’s even more depressing when it sucks. Like I said I had McDonalds one day, for the first time in ages, since they tore it down March 1. It was horrible having the construction going on, practically in the backyard since it’s directly behind us. Sometimes the whole place would vibrate and the windows would shake. It made me so dizzy and sick feeling when I was trying to sleep. The day McD opened my mom tried to go there after work and the place was packed, and I mean packed. The parking lot was completely filled, the two drive-thrus had huge lines, and inside was what my mom described as a mob. There was even people parking on our street and going there. All the damn busybody car owners all had to come see the new McD. They could go to any McDonalds they want, but they just had to invade ours just to see what it looked like. We’re the ones who have to live here with nothing around and no stores. My mom left and went back the next day. She finally made it to a store yesterday and they had my Hungry Man Classic Fried Chicken TV dinners I like so much (they’re absolutely horrible for you, but they taste so good), but she only got two. She rarely ever makes it to the store, so she should have gotten more than two (assuming they had more, which is pretty probable) or some garlic bread or something.
My mom needed to get her cellphone charger from Matt-freak because he didn’t give it back with the rest of his stuff, so she called his sister and asked her to tell him to mail it to her. I didn’t come for a while, and when it finally did it was in a dirty envelope, which my mom said looked like it had been dragged through dog crap. And it had an Arizona address on it. So besides making it as disgusting as possible, he sent the charger to Arizona and then had his sister send it from there. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there’s something seriously wrong with that guy. He has such a paranoid, persecution complex, they’re all out to get me syndrome.
Now leave me alone WordPress, I added a title. Now I finally have something to write about. The day after my mom invited my grandfather down to the bar, she said she’d never do it again and told a little bit about it. First Pap Pap told his Pap Pap jokes, but then he really embarrassed my mom, talking about one time when he came home and found someone passed out in the snow in his yard. It was his then son-in-law, my father. Pap Pap had two glasses of wine and he was drunk. She said he was swaying all over the place, and taking her beer and pouring it into his wine glass.
Also, when my mom stopped yesterday she was looking in her purse for something, and noticed all her sleeping pills (which she apparently had a lot of) were gone. So someone had been in her purse and took them. She thinks it’s the guy she’s been staying with in Dormont. Well, that’s what you get when you know someone for only a few months then start staying every night with them. She said she might come home yesterday since she was angry with that person, but I knew she wouldn’t. She’d get angry with Matt, and he’d say all kinds of stuff to her and behind her back, but that never changed anything.
Then when she had stopped home to put the trash out she poured some old wine in the bathroom sink and tried to turn the water on to wash it out. We haven’t had water in either sink, and barely in the tub, for almost a year now. She said she’d forgotten. I’m so glad that she can forget about things like that. But I’m here all day every day, so I don’t have that luxury. I get to stay here without water in this hellhole while she’s out gallivanting every night.
I saw my first ant of the season yesterday. I was sitting at the computer and I turned my head right and there was a little ant crawling on my shoulder. I hope it’s the only one. Last year it was a nightmare, there were ants everywhere. There’s plenty of cracks and holes in this dump for them to come through, so it’s very easy for them and other disgusting bugs to get in. I ended up have to clean all of my bedroom and the kitchen. I can’t go through that again. It’s too much stress and pain. Last time I cleaned I felt so sick. I felt sick to my stomach, I a horrible kind of sick I’d never felt before, and my head was pounding, and I was so dizzy I couldn’t stand. I had to lie down and not move for hours after that. The time before that when the ants were here should have been a warning. I felt bad after then too, though not like the last time, but several different things happen. My legs went out from under me twice. The first time there was a pain in the back of my head, top of my neck, the shot down my spine and then into my right leg. It almost completely took me down. Luckily I caught myself before I hit the stove. The second time I was walking an my right leg went out again. The second type happens to me a couple times a year. For a brief second it’s like my leg no longer works anymore, or isn’t even there, and then it comes back. I’ve always managed to catch myself so far. In that I am a lucky person. I am always walking into things, almost falling or actually falling in the shower, down stairs, or just for no reason. It’s a miracle I haven’t seriously injured myself yet.
I was just about to say something else, but forgot what it was before I typed it, so that’s all for now.
It’s been almost two weeks since my last post so I’m forcing myself to post again, even though I don’t feel like it. I’m waiting for my mom right now. It’s her day off and she went down to the bar a little under 20 minutes before 12, and it’s almost 7 now. She said yesterday she’d make garlic bread for me today, so I’m waiting to see if she comes home or not. If she’s not here by 10 or 11 PM I’ll have to eat either the donuts she brought me this morning, or chocolate and potato stix. I really don’t want to do that, it’s so bad for me, and I want real food. Since my last post my mom has only stayed here a couple of days. The rest of the time I’d only see her for a couple minutes a day, or I wouldn’t see her at all. My sleep is really disjointed right now. I’m trying to just sleep during the day, but I get so tired at night too. But I can’t sleep at night when I’m alone. I tried to sleep at night a couple days early last week, but I had nightmares but nights, the first one of which was so bad I still haven’t recovered from it.
I went out not last week but the week before with Cynthia to Eat n Park. They’ve really gone downhill unfortunately. The time before last there was a smashed piece of tomato in the gravy of my mashed potatoes, the sticky bun was cold, hard, and not sticky, and the service was bad too. The service was fine this time, but once again the sticky bun wasn’t sticky or fresh, and they’ve shrunk to not even an inch wide and half an inch high. Another thing they’ve been doing that really annoys me as that when I order my sides mashed potatoes and french fries they put the french fries on the plate with the chicken and the mashed potatoes on their own separate little plate. So you either get a tiny little mound of mashed potatoes (it was done with an ice cream scooper) with a little gravy on top, or the mashed potatoes done normally gravy sopping off the plate. The french fries belong on their own plate, not the mashed potatoes. It might seem like a minor gripe, but not only have they been doing it that way since before I was born, it’s the most convenient way. To me it’s only common sense that you’d put the chicken and the mashed potatoes together, and the second side on its own. If I wanted chicken and french fries with a side of mashed potatoes I would say that. Cynthia said she might take me again this coming week. Even if Eat n Park does suck now, I still want my chicken fillets, and I need to get out.
When my mother was here this morning she said she worked all weekdays next week like she’s been doing, and she doesn’t have any money anyway, and that if we did I would have to treat her. I don’t know what she’s thinking, I don’t have any money. All I have is $20 from Easter, and that won’t buy crap. I need to save my money anyway. I can’t believe she’s out of money. No, I can believe it, but it’s infuriating that she’s spent all of her tax return. I wanted to go to Red Lobster with just the two of us, and she said we would. But since she’s going out every single night drinking, the moneys all gone now. We must have gone out to eat together with it 4 times tops. I can bug her to ask Randy to take us, but I wanted it to be just us. I wanted to originally, and now I really do since I barely ever see her and never spend any time with her. We’re going to have even less money now since the landlord decided he wasn’t going to pay for the electric, because it had been too expensive recently. I don’t know why because the air was only on 3 times and the amount of electricity
we I use hasn’t changed. Unless it’s because for the past week I used the microwave almost every day. I think he’s a liar, and I don’t think we should be paying any more for this crappy place, especially the electric. I told my mom, the electric should be brought up to code before we should be made to pay for it. Like everything else here the electric is awful, but this could actually kill us. The worst example of it I can think of is the fan in the living room. Last spring and summer I was sleeping in here on the couch, and the air conditioning sucks so I always had the fan on. The last time I turned on the fan it sparked behind the slider and lit up blue inside the wall. The switch for the fan is a little plastic slider you push up or down so you can see into the wall there. It scared me so much I never touched it again. It could electrocute me or start a fire. I always turn off the surge protector before plugging anything into it, I have to wait until the air isn’t on, and the fridge isn’t running at full power before using the microwave, and even then the microwave doesn’t like it, the lights blink, and the television in the living room blinks… I hate this place.
I haven’t been online much recently. I’ve mainly just been watching anime. I still have around 900 episodes/ovas/movies to get through. I’ll make a post about the anime I’ve been watching, what I liked and didn’t like soon since it’ll need it’s own space. I will say that La Maison en Petits Cubes was wonderful. I didn’t think Japan could do stuff like that. Atama Yama and Franz Kafka’s A Country Doctor had interesting animation, but unfortunately it was also the seizure inducing kind. It was way to shaky and scratchy, it hurt my eyes. La Maison en Petits Cubes animation was beautiful.
After about 6 years I finally got a Cybunny! In the past I’d either forget about Cybunny Carnival, or I wouldn’t be playing Neopets then. Last Poogle Parade (after getting my 3 Poogles) I marked down the date for the Cybunny day. And this year I actually remembered. I didn’t think I was going to get even one at first but on my fourth try I got Aislineagh, a girl, and on the seventh and 8th tries I got her brother and sister Usagiave and Usagine. Aw, my precious Cybunnys, you’re so cute! I also updated my lookups 1 2 3 4, and wasted money NC Mall crap. I plan on continuing to waste money on Neocash items when I can. I know I shouldn’t have, and yes it’s stupid, but customizing is my favorite thing to do on Neopets. And thanks to my stupidity my Neopets look great! I just wish they’d give out the gift boxes will all purchases not just with Neocash Cards. It’s not fair that I spend the same amount, but I have to pay to send my items to my sides.
I have to get off now. I’ve been sitting here all day, so I need to move around a bit. Schneizel hasn’t been the icon since the end of March. He’s very unhappy about it. So he gets to be my icon this time.
I had hoped it wouldn’t happen this year, but it did. My mother has continued to go out drinking every night, coming home as late as 3:20, and for the past two days she didn’t come home at all. Yesterday she came into my room after 10 AM and said she’d texted Randy about going to Red Lobster. We did end up going, and it was nice to get out, but she drank before we got there, while we were there, and after we left. I heard her get here at 7:40 this morning, and then she left for work at 8:20. It must be here late day, which means she doesn’t get off until 7:15-30, and then she’ll probably go straight to the bar so who knows when she’ll get home, if she does at all. Her voice is all messed up, and while she says it’s from allergies, I knows it’s because she’s been smoking so much and sits in a smoke filled bar for up to 10 hours. She said a week or so ago she’s smoking up to a pack a day! So all that coughing must be allergies. There’s no point talking to her about it because then she’ll only say “I guess I’ll kill myself if you don’t love me then,” or get angry and slam doors like a teenager, or she’ll cry all over me and pet me for hours sobbing mostly incoherent words and getting out a “I’m so sorry” or “I’m a horrible mother” only to go out and do the same thing the next day. The only time I see her anyway is either for a few minutes in the morning (that happened twice) or when she’s falling down stupid drunk when if she gets home. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of her. I don’t want to write any more about this.
Well, it’s Easter, and like every holiday I am spending it alone. My mom went over to my aunt Cyndy’s and will bring home some lamb later. I was supposed to go with her, but then Cyndy invited at least a couple more people when it was originally supposed to be just the three of us plus my grandfather. Spending an awkward dinner with family is bad enough, there was no way I was going with strangers there. My mother wasn’t happy about that, since this was her idea. She said if Cyndy would cook dinner for Easter she would clean up Cyndy’s place for it and buy the lamb. We can’t cook here because #1 we don’t have a car, and there’s no store nearby to buy anything at, and #2 and there’s no water to cook or wash dishes. For almost a year we’ve had barely any water. First less started coming out of the bathroom sink until there was nothing, then water stopped coming out of the kitchen sink too, and now there’s only a trickle coming out of the tub. All because the landlord put in a bathroom in the cellar and whoever did it didn’t know what they were doing. My mom bought a small lamb since it was just supposed to be us, and Cyndy ended up also buying ham (we hate ham). So there’s not a whole lot of the lamb, which is the only thing we’d be eating, to go around. She said that as soon as the lamb got out she’d make a plate for me before anyone else got at it. But then after 9 in the morning Cyndy called and said she’d just put the ham in, and she was going to do the lamb next. The ham was going to be done no later than 1, and I don’t know how long lamb cooks, but it can’t be too much long, especially since it was small. My mom asked if she had called anyone else, and she said no, and then my mom asked when she’d told everyone to be there and Cyndy said 4, but it didn’t matter since the ham could be eaten cold. When Cyndy cooks dinner it’s always usually late, so this was a big surprise, and also not a very smart or polite thing to do. Ham can be eaten cold, but lamb can’t. Dinner will be ready at 1 but no one will be there to 4! And even if she called and told them, it’s rude to invite someone and say one time, then call day of and say “we’re eating 4 hours earlier, so get your ass over here now!”
I’ve been online most of the day. There’s usually holiday events on adoptables sites Two I’m a part of that are doing it are Egg Cave and Dragon Cave. They’re both doing egg hunts, and Drag Cave’s continues through tomorrow. On Egg Cave you get an Easter only egg, and on Dragon Cave I’m not sure what you get, if anything. I finished the Egg Cave event with help, but I’m still doing the Dragon Cave one. There’s over 38 eggs to collect, and they only show up about ever 12 minutes. I’ve got 25 so far (5 more than when I started writing). I also managed to get a Mod Mayhem egg “This egg radiates the heat of a fell flame.” I can’t tell you how many others I missed though.
Who knows when my mom will get home tonight. There’s a good chance she’ll be drunk. Not including Monday, and today of course, my mom was out drinking every day last week. Getting home between 9 PM and 2:45 AM. I was already having trouble sleeping, but whenever she stays out late I also have to stay up to let her in if she comes home.
I also hate spring. It starts getting hot, there’s allergies, and then the bugs. Oh the bugs!!! All I’ve been doing recently is beating buggy brains out. There are some good things too. The animals and the plants (even though the latter cause me pain). There’s a beautiful pear tree in a neighbors yard a few doors down, and you can see it from our kitchen window. It’s wonderful when it blooms in spring, even though it doesn’t last long, though it’s still pretty after when it turns green. It finally bloomed a couple days ago, but it’s been so hot and windy that almost all its flowers are gone now. There’s been record high temps here the past couple days. It went from being in the 40-60’s to being in the 80’s. My poor Allie cat is in the window right now. She’s been sneezing like crazy for the past week. She either got my mom’s cold, or it’s her kitty letter. Her kitty litter is horrible. It’s one of those perfumey, dusty kinds that go everywhere and and get in everything. It coats Allie’s fur so when you pet her your hands smell like it. We can’t stand to be around it, and if it’s that hard for us to breathe it it must be 10x worse for her since she actually has to be in it. She seems a little better today, but before then she was mostly just laying around since she didn’t feel well. She came over and sat with me for a while when I was typing this, but she just left.
Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. She’s 48 now I think. She got two cards, not including the one she got from work, 2 helium balloons from work, and a chocolate cake. And she’s getting sick with a cold. Birthdays in this family aren’t particularly great, especially for the older people.
Even though she’s getting sick, she still managed to get out today, since she’s been putting off going to the mall to get my gift card. On the way there I saw a ton of squirrels and at least 6 deer, most of them in a group. When we got there I had a cherry ICEE at the Mrs. Fields stand in the food court so I’d have the energy to walk around since I hadn’t eaten, and got a few chocolate cookies. Once I saw them I knew I had to have one, they look great (though that’s no indicator of taste). They’re called something like chewy fudge. Then we wandered around the Barnes and Noble out there for a while. I love Barnes and Noble, and the one in South Hills Village is wonderful. I looked in the manga section first. Looking around I decided Del Ray is the best US manga publisher. They keep the names right and use the honorifics. I hate when translators put the names First Last and don’t use the proper terms. I know it’s for the idiots who don’t read manga/watch anime and don’t know what it means, but they’ll never learn if they don’t see it.
I saw a lot, The Wallflower, Skip Beat, Sukuran, Monster, Bleach of course, but I didn’t get anything. I thought about getting the first Prince of Tennis since I’m going to start reading it, but none of the regulars are in it. If they’d hate Kuroshitsuji, Jiraishin (which they wouldn’t since Jiraishin never finished printing here). There weren’t any Code Geass light novels either, I would have considered getting it, and I definitely would have if any Schneizel or Clovis stuff was in it. I briefly checked the Teen section before moving on to Bios and saw Ahar’s new book Token of Darkness, but I still haven’t finished her last book Persistence of Memory, so I’ll wait til the paper back. In Biographies I had to choose between Jane Boleyn, Catherine de Medici, and the Borgia’s. The Borgia’s were pretty screwed up, so I thought they’d be the most interesting. I also found this incredibly beautiful journal (the design continues on the back, but isn’t shown). It was a little under $10. It caught my eye immediately, and once I looked inside I knew I had to have it. All the outside of the pages are in beautiful, vibrantly colored designs. You can see a little bit of the inside here. If I had I scanner I’d scan some pages in. Most of journals I buy lay untouched anyway, but this one is way to pretty to write in. I’ll have to put it somewhere safe.
After that I had to go get what was supposed to be my Visa gift card, but the mall completely screwed us over. There were signs everywhere for their new American Express cards, and they made it seem like they didn’t sell the Visa ones anymore. Then when we neared the counter I saw a small sign up there for the “US Bank Issued” Visa gift cards, and they made it seem like there was a monthly fee on them, like the Green Dot cards. The woman up there immediately swooped down and didn’t even give me a chance to look over the signs and said that there was a monthly fee on them. Either she was lying or didn’t know what she was talking about, because after I got the card and was able to read the sign, I saw that it was the same old Visa gift card, the monthly fee they were talking about was the same one they always had in place, after a year of the cards activation. So obviously they’re pushing these Amex cards and scamming people to do it. The woman also said you could activate the card online to be able to use it on the internet, and no, you can’t, that’s only for Visa. I had to have my mom call the place to get it activated for me.
My mother and I were really starving by then, so we walked from the mall to Eat’n Park, the only restaurant near there (besides crappy TGI Fridays and Olive Garden). I had my usual chicken fillets, and after complaining about how much she hates Eat’n Park, my mom finally decided to go with the salad bar. The chicken fillets come in 4 or 5 pieces and I was going to go with the 4 piece so I could try their lava cake dessert, but I thought what I always do “Well I haven’t eaten in a while, and I’m really hungry, so I think I’ll be able to do it.” Wrong. I always know that’ll happen but I never listen to my better judgement. My mom and I always sadly joke about it, we’re “fat” people (chubby really, we’re not like real fat people) who can’t eat. It’s not fair. We’re “fat” people who can’t eat like fat people. What’s the point of being “fat” if you can’t eat? We eat a little bit and we’re full. My mom only had a small plate from the salad bar with coleslaw, little tomatoes, olives, a piece of cantaloupe, lettuce, and other rabbit food and was full. It’s ridiculous. Most people eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but we could never do that, no matter how light the meal was.
This is the last time we’ll be going to South Hills Village for a while. We usually don’t go there a lot anyway, just twice a year to get my cards. But it’s really going to be hard from now on. Pittsburgh Port Authority is completely messing up their schedules, cutting service, and renaming lines. Instead of the lines being named so you know where you’re going, it’s just going to be colors. Blue line, red line, etc. People don’t know what they’re doing now, no one’s going to know what to do when this crap starts next week. Now it’s going to take two buses or two street cars both ways to get to and from the mall. You have to get on the public transportation method of your choice, go most of the way, get off, get on another bus or street car, and go the rest of the way, to the mall and back. They already started doing two street cars going from the mall about a year ago. We had to do it today, and for some reason they switched the street car going back to the other side of the track, the side that’s supposed to go toward the mall, and the trolley going to the mall was on the side it’s supposed to go back on. But we had to get the first, and everyone else switching got there before us, because my mom asked for a transfer to switch cars. All this changing cars costs extra money, you have to pay for your ride halfway, then pay the rest of the way, and my mom wasn’t having it. So the jerk driver didn’t let us cross before he went, and blocked us waiting at the light. So we got to stand there for a few minutes before we could go (after that we had the mess trying to figure out what trolley to get on, since they switched sides). And that was my day. My mom’s going back to work tomorrow, so I don’t know when I’ll be out again. I never did get to go to Red Lobster, so hopefully we’ll go in a few weeks.
Before I started writing this I had to buy my anti-virus. I decided to go with Norton despite their spammy popups I’ve gotten everday since my trial expired (like 5 a day) and their large amounts of CPU usage (once it took me to 99%). But it was an ordeal. I found a coupon for 20% off on retailmenot (20OFFTOP). It took $15.40 off the $69.99 Internet Security + $6.99 download insurance, and with the $4.31 tax and $1.00 extra charge to my card it ended up costing $66.89. When I was filling out the order for it I kept getting a “session expired” error and had to start over 5 or 6 times. I finally figured out they did that to stop people from de-selecting the auto-renew since whenever I did that it redirected me to the other page. It was annoying, but I just changed it on their member website. There’ll be nothing left to charge to by then anyway. Now I finally have real anti-virus again.
Today is the last day of my mom’s two days off, then she works the next two days and has off Friday. She said we’d go out to Red Lobster yesterday, but we didn’t, and ordered from Domino’s instead. I haven’t gotten food from there in years. I got my usual, plain wings, and my mom tried their new pizza. We also got their new dessert Chocolate Lava Crunch Cakes. I had their last chocolate dessert years ago and it was awful, so I wasn’t expecting much from this, but it turned out to be wonderful. Today we went out with her acquaintance Randy to DeBlasio’s. It was okay, and I managed to eat quite a lot. All my steak except the edges, 4 pieces of bread, most of my baked potato, and a few french fries. My mom had a surf and turf type meal, a steak and small lobster tail, and a few bites of salad and she was done. She was drunk by the time we got there. We went to his place first and she drank some vodka, then a beer, and was drunk after that, then had at least one glass of wine at the restaurant. After we ate we stopped in Giant Eagle since we almost never get to the store now (no car), but my mom was drunk and rushing around yelling that she didn’t know where anything was (she always does that though), so we didn’t get everything we needed. We might get to house sit for Randy for a week started Apr 3. I love his townhouse, and we were supposed to house sit for him when he went to Hawaii for two weeks, but he left early so we didn’t get to.
In anime I’m watching Durarara!!, Bleach (stay away from my Bleach you Hollywood creeps!), Hidamari Sketch, K-ON, Hanasakeru Seishounen, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, Kanon, Kimikiss Pure Rouge, Gakuen Heaven, Air, Hunter x Hunter. I’m watching quite a few others, but these I’m watching somewhat regularly, and the others I’m just doing episodes whenever I feel like it. I still have at least 20 other series on here to start. I’m love my Bleach, Durarara (Isaac and Miria, you too?!) is my precious, Hanasakeru is okay, but I don’t like Rumaty/Lumati and hate all the crap about his country. I like Li Ren and Eugene. When the Cicadas Cry was better in the first scenario and has gone downhill from there. Hidamari Sketch is surprisingly likable. I’m not a big slice of life fan, Aria and especially Azumanga drive me crazy, but Hidamari Sketch is much better and easier to take. I have a lot more on here, so I’ve got to get moving. 748 more episodes to watch…
I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars often but I know the judges are jerks. That said, their score for Niecy Nash was very unfair. After that show I switched to Nick like I usually do at night, and I saw a new promo for the KCA with Nicola Peltz and Jackson Rathbone, where the Katara LA actress will try to “slimebend.” She was cute, but once again Sokka was called Soh-ka.
I swear if he’s called that in the actual movie I will revolt, and I encourage all other Avatar: TLA fans to do the same. If Sokka is pronounced Soh-ka in the movie, Avatar fans should start calling them all different names: Cat-tara, Ung, Zuck-o, EE-roh, Ozaii (like Hawaii)… Anything but their real names. I saw the promo again the next day and it was corrected to Sokka!
Yesterday it was one year since all my health crap started. Right now I haven’t had much side pain recently for a few months now, little eye pain, no shooting pain, and some mild numbness. But my headaches, which I started getting really bad a few months after March 22nd, and the pains in my head are continuing. I’m surprised nothing has happened this spring yet, and hopefully it won’t knock on wood. It’s been one year since my health problems started, and two years since my grandfather and aunts house burned down (I always think Nanny’s house, but my grandmother died several years ago, so…) I don’t remember what happened the spring before that, but it’s possible the bowlegged freak was there and that was hell. Of course bad things happen all year round, but spring is a particularly bad time. Hopefully the streak will break and some good luck will start coming our way.
I don’t know whether to drag the computer into the bedroom, or wait and see if Bleach and Kobato are released… Edit: Bleach came out, I’ll wait a little longer for Kobato and then I’m going back to watch more anime. Edit 2: Got Kobato, getting off.
Ah, I’m so tired. Half the time I sleep fine, and half of the time I don’t. For the past few days I had been waking up every couple hours then last night I didn’t get to bed until 3. Why? Because my mother was out until late again, without calling again. At 11 I figured she wasn’t coming home any time soon, so I tried to go to sleep but couldn’t. I didn’t know if she was dead, going to be screaming outside for me to open the door, or if she just wouldn’t come home and call sometime the next day. At past one she called and said that she would be taking a cab home, and that she’d ring once before she got there so I could unlock the door for her. At 1:30 AM I heard her trying to get the door open. All I wanted to do was go to bed, but she wanted to bother the cat and make garlic bread. I was afraid she would hurt Allie because drunk people have no idea what they’re actually doing, and there was no way I was going to let her burn the place down because she was trying to use the oven while drunk. She still asked me several times more if I wanted garlic bread. I hate babysitting drunk people. At two I finally got her to go to bed, and eventually I fell asleep myself. I woke up a couple times, and was up for a half hour to an hour more, fell back asleep then woke up when my mom left for work at 10.
She has off a couple days next week, and then some vacation time the week after, so hopefully we’ll get out to Red Lobster and South Hills Village during that time. I miss my Crab Linguini Alfredo, and I need to get a Visa gift card at the mall so I can pay off my hosting and some of my domains. We went out twice in the past month, once to The Cheesecake Factory, and to Eat’n Park on Saint Patrick’s Day. It was a good day at Cheesecake Factory, though they skimped on the mashed potatoes. We got there right before they opened (because the longer they’re opened the worse the food gets) and there were people standing outside as always. But people are so stupid. Did the crowd of people gathered around stop others from coming up and trying to open the door? No. What were they thinking, that we were standing outside in 30 degree weather for the fun of it? And they just kept coming. Once even one person tried to open the door and failed, and then directly behind them someone else tried. They had to have seen the other person try 10 seconds before them. It’s not the sword in the stone. Did they think “well, maybe it’ll open for me?” It wasn’t a good day at Eat n Park though. It was packed since everyone was out driving around because they had nothing else better to do. Then the sticky buns were not sticky, they were cold and dry, and the gravy in my mashed potatoes had a smashed up piece of tomato in it. How does that even happen? We waited forever to get the bill too, because the waitress was chatting with some guy in another booth for a while. After that we walked up to Brookline because my mom wanted to get a cake from Kribel’s Bakery, which used to be very good. The woman behind the counter was a nasty piece of work. You could tell she didn’t want to be there, and was just rude. We tried to get the last two glazed donuts, but when we got home we found out she gave us the wrong kind, and unfortunately the cake was bad too. It was a chocolate and white butter cream cake, but the chocolate icing didn’t taste chocolate at all just bland, and the icing wasn’t as sweet either. That place has really gone down hill, according to my mother anyway. She should know since she’s been getting her cakes from there since before I was born. I’ve been unhappy with them since last year when they messed up my birthday cake, and my moms cake a few months before that which had these little plastic looking shavings all over it, which was some kind of unasked for decoration, but it was disgusting, and it made me sick.