Curse of the Spring

I had hoped it wouldn’t happen this year, but it did. My mother has continued to go out drinking every night, coming home as late as 3:20, and for the past two days she didn’t come home at all. Yesterday she came into my room after 10 AM and said she’d texted Randy about going to Red Lobster. We did end up going, and it was nice to get out, but she drank before we got there, while we were there, and after we left. I heard her get here at 7:40 this morning, and then she left for work at 8:20. It must be here late day, which means she doesn’t get off until 7:15-30, and then she’ll probably go straight to the bar so who knows when she’ll get home, if she does at all. Her voice is all messed up, and while she says it’s from allergies, I knows it’s because she’s been smoking so much and sits in a smoke filled bar for up to 10 hours. She said a week or so ago she’s smoking up to a pack a day! So all that coughing must be allergies. There’s no point talking to her about it because then she’ll only say “I guess I’ll kill myself if you don’t love me then,” or get angry and slam doors like a teenager, or she’ll cry all over me and pet me for hours sobbing mostly incoherent words and getting out a “I’m so sorry” or “I’m a horrible mother” only to go out and do the same thing the next day. The only time I see her anyway is either for a few minutes in the morning (that happened twice) or when she’s falling down stupid drunk when if she gets home. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of her. I don’t want to write any more about this.