Wednesday was Harry Potter day. I’ll probably start re-reading the book soon, even though I’m sure the movie is nothing like it. I have to start Kazuo Ishiguro’s book Remains of the Day first anyway, since it has to go back to the library soon. For the first 4 movies I went to see all of them the day they came out, and I’m pretty sure the 5th one was the first I didn’t see day of. I didn’t see this one then either. I haven’t been out since Jamie’s. According to my mother she’ll probably have a day off the week after my birthday, so we’ll go see a movie and go out to lunch then. I’ll turn 19 in just a little over a week. I’m not looking forward to it anymore than the last time I posted.
Still also not looking forward to graduating. I have to get some more school done today. I only have two classes left, and it’ll be down to one in a couple hours. Then I have to do a stupid graduation project, and fill out some form (with required info on future ed or job) for my diploma. The graduation project is ridiculous. You have to write several different essays about different things like your long and short term goals, future plans, what you learned, crap like that. Goals, goals, goals, that’s something you always hear about in school, and how you’re supposed to make them, and sometimes forced to (or at least make something up for them). Your own personal beliefs don’t matter. I don’t believe in making goals. Sure have some things you want to do in life, but having a set list saying “I will do this, this, and this” is just plain stupid. You never know what’s going to happen to you, and it’s like resolutions, most people don’t end up following through with them. A lot of people don’t know what they want to do for a career anyway, or change their minds, which is why so many people meander through university or comm college trying to figure it out. Me? I don’t care, I’ll do whatever my family tells/wants me to do. Things like job and classes aren’t up to me.
Right now I only have one goal: to find out what’s wrong with me and fix it. I unfortunately have another possible reason for my poor health to add to my list. I was watching J.K. Rowling: A Year in the Life on ABC and she was talking about when her mother got Multiple sclerosis, that she started getting numbness in various limbs and balance problems. It reminded me of myself so I looked up the symptoms. Of course I started getting numbness a few months ago, and I’ve had bad balance problems for years which are getting worse. I walk into walls (though that’s also because I have trouble judging distance) I’ll just be standing and all of a sudden just reel backwards. Now I reach out my hands when I walk around my house so I can sort of feel my way and grab myself if I start to fall. I also have coordination issues, fatigue, and memory/concentration problems. And I don’t just walk into a room and forget what I came in to do once in a while, or once a day, I am constantly forgetting things. I’ll be trying to say something and be in the middle and completely forget. Once I was talking to my mom and I just stopped in the middle and stared at the object in my hand for a while. She got frustrated and prodded me to continue with what I was saying and I yelled at her that I was trying to remember what this (what I was holding) was. It was a telephone. Of course all these could be because of my back (though MS also targets the spine along with the brain and optic nerves) and/or the head injury I had in the 4th grade. And it doesn’t account for other things like having trouble swallowing, pressure in my ears, or the pains in my sides. MS symptoms come and go, one of the reasons it’s so hard to diagnose, though my symptoms haven’t really. I’ve had some numbness in my toes, the next to last, since around the 7th grade, but it’s never been this bad. I get it every day now, along with my other numbness, usually in my leg(s), big toe(s) (when I’m laying down), or arms/hands. I get it in my arms and hands when they don’t stay straight in bed. Even they move in the slightest it starts getting numb. One early instance was when I was laying in bed with the laptop on my stomach reading manga. My arms and hands would get numb from having them on my stomach and edges of the computer. I noticed that problem, along with numbness in my feet, a little while before it all went to hell. Though it isn’t as bad as when it first started. Then my hands were numb constantly. I don’t know if you could call that remission or not. I also don’t know if my doctor or my mother would take my concerns seriously. My mother never does. If I talk to her tomorrow I might mention it. I only saw her once on Tuesday, and the rest of the days I didn’t even get a phone call from her, except Thursday, so it’s a toss up whether it’ll happen today. Now I have to go do some school so my annoying IS doesn’t whine some more.